In Memoriam
by TracyT
Summary: It's the night before Watson's memorial service


Title: In Memoriam

Author: TracyT

Category: Angst, Friendship

Summary: It's the night before Watson's memorial service

Pairing: Helen/Watson friendship (and more) Helen/Will friendship, Helen/John

Season One

Rating: PG

Archive: Yes, please

Feedback: Greatly desired, to

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Sanctuary and will make no profit on this. It was a labor of love.

Author's note: It occurred to me we never saw the memorial service for Watson. I assume they did have one and just didn't leave his body back in India. Plus I loved Amanda Tapping hinting that Helen and Watson had turned to each other after the revelation of John's killings. Inspired by Rowan Darkstar's story "Sans Defense," and I added a bit of my own story, "Reflections." I hope you all enjoy. TT

*****

It was the night before the memorial for James Watson, and Will was becoming increasingly worried about Magnus. Druitt had transported all of them back to the Sanctuary, two by two, before finally retrieving Watson's body. They had all silently followed Druitt to the morgue-- Magnus leading the way--where Watson's body would remain until a casket could be arranged for. Said casket was now in the Sanctuary chapel waiting for tomorrow's service.

Will had met a man named Declan MacRae, who had arrived from the UK Sanctuary earlier in the day, along with a few others to whom Will had not been introduced. MacRae was now the interim head of the UK Sanctuary in Watson's place. They all seemed truly saddened by Watson's loss, a testimony to the loyalty they had for him. Will wondered why they had all looked at him a bit too intently, though. What was up with that?

Then there was the fact that Ashley and Henry had not returned yet. He knew Magnus was worried about them, and knew that they both would regret missing Watson's funeral, Ashley especially. Helen had told him that Ashley truly adored her Uncle James.

Druitt was having a hard time with this as well. Watson had been his best friend. His new found sanity and the knowledge of his past added to his grief. He had transported out as soon as they got back, promising he would return soon. Will understood that, but when he saw the look of disappointment on Magnus' face, he still wanted to hit the guy. After all, even an uncharacteristically quiet Tesla was staying close right now.

Supper that night was a nearly silent affair. It was as if no one dared speak out loud. Magnus just picked at her food until she finally wadded up her linen napkin and deposited it on her plate, almost impatiently. She excused herself and was gone before any of them could react.

It was after midnight now and Will had been tossing and turning restlessly. He finally admitted defeat and got up. He put on his robe and glasses and went to look out his window. Helen's office was directly across the courtyard from his room, so he could often look down and see her working in the wee hours of the morning. He looked out now to find the room dark. Will sighed heavily. He knew where Magnus was.

He pushed the door to the chapel open as slowly and quietly as possible. Sure enough, in the glow of the candlelight he beheld Magnus sitting in a chair directly in front of the coffin. He approached her and said quietly, "Hey Magnus." She glanced up at him quickly, tears in her eyes, and then looked back down, worrying her handkerchief between her hands. "You okay?"

She sniffled, and held the handkerchief to her nose, giving him a small shake of her head.

He quietly took the seat next to her. "Is Watson going to be buried here or are they taking him back to England?" He spoke in hushed tones.

Helen was quiet for a few moments. "Actually, I wanted to keep him here, but I was persuaded he would rather lie at rest in England." She dabbed at her eyes. "I suppose it's for the best." Will wondered who had done the persuading, but didn't ask.

Reacting to the sadness in her voice, Will reached over and gently took her hand. She didn't resist.

"Are you going to make the trip back with him?" She shook her head, and a single, distressed sob escaped from her. "I can't. Ashley…the source blood…"

Will squeezed her hand. "Magnus, it's okay, he'd understand."

Helen snorted softly. "Would he?" When Will turned to face her fully, a confused frown on his face, she added. "I'm not certain of that."

"Magnus, what makes you say that?"

She shook her head with more conviction this time. "It doesn't matter." She went back to examining her handkerchief. They sat silently for quite some time before Magnus moved to lean softly against him. Surprised and a bit pleased, he put an arm around her, not saying anything to break the silence, just being there for her.

After a time she sniffled and said softly, "He was my rock, you know."

"He was?" Will encouraged her to speak.

Helen nodded. "Always. Loving John has always been, as the old saying goes, like trying to hold a tiger by the tail, but James, well, James supported and helped me through thick and thin. He was always the strong one, the steady one, ready to help me with anything. He helped me through John's turning; he was there when I decided to have Ashley, holding my hair back when I had terrible morning sickness, poor man." She huffed a watery laugh. "He was there for all the troubles and changes that have happened in a hundred odd years. Always. Even this mission. Knowing his suit was failing, he came when I called for help." A tear rand down her check. "He was there for me far more than I was for him, but he never faltered." She dabbed at her eyes again. "I'm ashamed to say I did not always return his devotion in kind."

"Why do you say that?"

She was quiet for so long he didn't think she would answer. She just gazed at the coffin as if she could see through to the contents, then she swallowed with some difficulty. "I pushed him away. He commented on it just the other day, in his own way. He'd never accuse me, but he mentioned that we had not been in contact for some time, and he was right."

"Magnus…" Will began.

She cut him off by saying, "I haven't told anyone this, but right after John changed, James and I, well, turned to each other."

Will masked his surprise with some difficulty. "Oh?"

She seemed somewhat uncomfortable, but forged on. "We were both grieving John's loss, you see, and that grief led us into each other's arms. The tragedy of it is, John is the only one for me, God help me. James and I could have been very happy together, but John was always there between us, even when he wasn't physically present--at least on my part. Even to this day, whenever James would try to get close, even as a mere friend, I would find myself pushing him away." Two tears streamed down her face, unnoticed. "I was the only one who could share in the life he led and I hurt him, Will, I hurt him terribly, and still he remained my true, loyal, steadfast friend. The truest friend I ever had. He loved me and I pushed him away. He tried to be my friend and I pushed him away. That is something I will never forgive myself for."

"Magnus, you can't beat yourself up like this."

She seemed not to hear him. "Did I tell you, when he discovered he did not get the gift of longevity as I, John and Tesla did, he concocted that mechanical suit to stay with me?" She turned to look Will straight in the eye. "He did that for me, Will, to stay with me. He hated what he called 'this dreary, interminable life' but he carried on, nonetheless."

"He told you that?"

"Not in so many words, but I know it in my heart."

Will shifted a bit in his seat. "That's really admirable, but Magnus, forgive me for being blunt, but you've had a lot of relationships in your life, how about Watson?"

She sniffled again. "What do you mean?"

"He had no other relationships but you?"

Magnus's reacted by looking a little shocked, then very uncomfortable. "Well, no, we both had other people in our lives from time to time. There was one relationship that was very important to him, but it ended tragically."

"How so?"

Helen didn't answer for a few moments. "As any relationship between someone who lives hundreds of years and a mere mortal would." Before Will could question her further she plowed ahead, effectively cutting him off. "Even then, I was only there for him briefly at that time, when he needed me most." She held the handkerchief to her mouth and cried silently for a few moments, squeezing his hand tightly.

Will hugged her to him with the arm he had around her. "Magnus, listen, it's been a really long, tough day. Why don't you go up to bed and try to get some sleep before the service tomorrow? It would do you good."

Helen shook her head. "No. I am going to sit with him through the night. It's the least I can do, but you go." When he looked doubtful she said, "Will, as you know I can go without sleep for a long time. You can't. Go on up to bed. Honestly, I prefer to be alone right now, all right?"

Will conceded defeat and rose. "Okay, but if you need anything, anything at all…"

"I'm fine. Go." She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it was too watery to be effective.

He leaned in to look into her eyes, getting her attention. "I will be here first thing in the morning, okay?"

Helen nodded. "Thank you, Will."

He strode down the aisle and closed the door behind him softly. He'd made it almost to the stairs when he stopped and turned back. He knew that Helen's brave face was all an act. She had lost another person close to her, one of the few people who could relate to the life she led and that had to be devastating. Cursing himself for leaving her, he quickly retraced his steps to the chapel. As he reached for the door handle he could hear her crying through the closed door. He quietly opened it to see her standing next to the casket, one hand on the lid. "Oh James," She sobbed. "What will I do without you?" She bowed her head and cried.

Will closed the door quietly and let her have her privacy, but as he walked away he vowed that HE would be there for Magnus, from now on, no matter what.

Fin


End file.
